About Me

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I'm 39 years olds and I'm just trying to find my place in the world. I've had a few careers, owned a few businesses, and overcame a few challenges. Now, after an entire life-time of trying my hardest to be who and what I thought everybody else wanted me to be, I'm finally ready to be myself. The fun part is uncovering who that is.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Another Day, Another Experience

Hi, today was another day but it was more than that. Today I was honest...somewhat. Today I connected with another's words and I shared my thoughts, fears, and actions in response. However, some of my words belied my actions. In sharing my fears and actions, my ego creeped in, like it's wont to do. I just could not leave them with the impression I was needy or wanting. I know a possible answer/solution to my fear/anxiety. And while I haven't implemented it, I wanted to put it out there for the tool box of the one who was like me. So I lied.

Now that I think about it, the lie wasn't necessary. I guess a lie is never necessary. I could have spoken about what I was going to do or what I thought was the right steps to take. Instead I spoke about the solution I was already taking and I closed myself off from their assistance, their wisdom, their support.  Like always, in that split second, I panicked that they might offer their love and that I might make myself vulnerable by accepting it. That risk is just too large for me to take. Right now. This day. But tomorrow is another day and every day I grow just a little, I learn just a little, I experience just a little more. Each day I am made anew. Tomorrow I might not be better but I will be different.

On another note, my lantern and oven came in the mail today.  Second guessing the oven, for now. In addition, while I was second guessing my Coleman 2 burner Propane Stove - you know the one I told you about before - I found ANOTHER stove that I want instead. Unfortunately, after checking my account, I can't afford it. It's the Texsport Dual Burner Piezo Igniter Propane Stove AND Grill. It has 2 burners that are 10,000 BTUs each and a small grill in the middle that's 5,000 BTUs each. Even though I don't cook even a little bit here at home, I just know in my little heart of heart's that grill will have me preparing healthy, gourmet meals every day in Dude. Alas, my budget disagrees.  So all I have is to show for hours upon hours of research is a picture of my lost love:

Maybe once I start returning things, I'll have enough money to get it. Until the meantime, I must bid it adieu.

And the same goes for you. Have a great night and Be Blessed.

PS I don't have a store with Amazon, Walmart, or anybody else. I'm just totally confused and hoping that if you see me making a really harmful or unwise purchase, you'll let me know. Hugs.