About Me

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I'm 39 years olds and I'm just trying to find my place in the world. I've had a few careers, owned a few businesses, and overcame a few challenges. Now, after an entire life-time of trying my hardest to be who and what I thought everybody else wanted me to be, I'm finally ready to be myself. The fun part is uncovering who that is.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

i'm still up

so, it's 204am and i'm still awake to the irritation of my exhausted cat who i keep moving, unintentionally, every time i move. but really, it's not all my fault. i can't sleep per the manifestation of universal energy. first i was watching angel, season 1, and it was awesome. i just watched episode 5 where cordelia moves into a house haunted by a killer ghost mommy. then i started reading vandwelling and camping blogs. i started with some girl who takes awesome pics but her blog was too freaking complicated for me. if i have to work that hard to understand, i need it reflected in my gpa.

then i went to 721 and the truck house blog. he reminds me a lot of myself. so much so that while reading 721 i thought the blogger was a guy, especially since i ran across truck house sometime last year, i think, and remembered a picture of a guy; but then there were some parts i really wasn't sure. i was like, ok, maybe cool lesbian, which i have no problem with. not only am i an advocate of sexual freedom, i publicly endorse the coming out or experimentation of any female who thinks she might, in some way, have lesbian tendency. =D i fight for equal rights and reduce the eligible straight female to male ratio in my favor. what's not to like?  but then i scanned truck blog again and, true enough, he is a guy. he's just a guy in touch with his feelings who freely expresses his emotions. first, i didn't know guys had emotions like that. so many of the guys i've known have been of the not-nice variety that i just didn't think they went that deep. second, i admire his courage. i don't have it. unless someone chops off one of my body parts - well loved and cherished i might add - or i suddently decide medication is just a scam of the pharmaceutical industry to keep us enslaved in their matrix-like psychological conglomerate -  which has happened so i'm not doubting it - i don't cry. i don't cry in public, i don't cry with friends, i don't cry when drunk. i try to limit my reachable emotions to lust, love, happiness, joy, humor, concern, anger, rage, annoyance, sarcasm, and despair. if you notice, sadness and depression, not so much. but still, i may have them on layaway somewhere and have just forgotten to pick them up. therefore if i go that way, and then have a mental hiccup and post about it, just consider it bill paid and remind me that "the sun will come out, tomorrow, so i just gotta hang onto tomorrow, come what may...." lol.

now, back to reading random, vandwelling-related blogs with the peace of mind that comes from knowing my alarm is set to wake me up no later than 12:00 for my 130pm (that's 1330 to you military types) window-tinting $60 appointment later today, since i have been known to sleep till 330pm (yes, you read it correctly 1530).

nitey nite.

hi. new beginnings? maybe.

hi. this blog is going to be the ramblings of a gypsy child. why? cause i need to remember. cause i forget any and every and only my words remain to evidence my existence, thoughts, actions. the fluctuations and inconstancy of permanence that is I and me.

next year i'm going van dwelling across the country. seriously. not because there's going to be some dire mishandling of my finances - knock on wood AND throw salt behind me - but because i want to. because i want to leave where i'm at to get where i'm suppose to be with the smallest outsourcing of resources possible. thus, vandwelling. my family and friends think i'm nuts and bull$hitting but whatever. i'm use to it and so are they. =D i bought a 1997 honda odyssey last month. i took the greyhound all the way to Lake something, IL and drove it back. riding on the greyhound from SC to chicago was interesting for real, for real. i came from some interesting times but living in suburbia all these years has softened me up like a just baked marshmallow.  i was not ready for atlanta and atlanta was definitely not ready for me. lol. luckily street smarts are ingrained cause the bus was overbooked and people had been waiting 24 hours or more for the very bus i needed by the time we arrived. yeah. i'm not the one to wait. so a little of this, a little of that, gc is on the next bus and there are a lot of pissed off souls still waiting. definitely not something i want to relive but if i have to, it's nice to know i can handle my own.

anyway, so i've had the mv for a month. tomorrow i'm getting the mid and back side windows and back window tinted to 20%. then i'm having the middle row seats removed. i might go ahead and remove the back row bench seat also but not sure. it's not as easy as removing the middle row seats. i found a video online that explains it but i'm hoping i don't have to actually do it. i do have some awesome male friends that would be keen to help me out but i really don't want to ask. no other reason than pride cause my friends are pretty kick a$$. i'm also installing window and rain deflectors, purchasing a chair futon cushion from wally world, and building a frame for the bed to be completed by next sunday. then it's off for a test sleep. not sure where. maybe savannah, ga or asheville, nc. both places i love.

in addition to prepping the van i've also come up with a list of things that i must complete and hobbies i must be "fluent" in before i set sail. i'm not going into all of them right now but suffice it to say, it's going to take FOREVER to complete.  seeing as i am who i am, i might end of saying whatever and head out prior to the completion of my to do list but hopefully not. i can never tell with me but i'm pretty sure completing the list would be better than leaving half mast. i think. either way, i'm pretty stoked about the take off. =D i've been on lock down in sc since 1998. it's gotten old. i've gotten old. it's time to move on and move out. that's it for now. back to watching angel on hulu plus. hugs.