About Me

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I'm 39 years olds and I'm just trying to find my place in the world. I've had a few careers, owned a few businesses, and overcame a few challenges. Now, after an entire life-time of trying my hardest to be who and what I thought everybody else wanted me to be, I'm finally ready to be myself. The fun part is uncovering who that is.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Maku - let's see if this posts correctly

3:16 AM

this blog post was from two or three mornings ago but it went into drafts instead of posting. i'm just including it now.

it's 3:16am and i just finished reading the entire blog of the most awesome woman. i think we have a lot in common as far  as circumstances. not so much as far as reactions. she seems so self-sufficient, strong, and grounded with this unwavering sense of who and what she is and her place in the universe. me? i'm the opposite of that, most of the time. the vast majority of time.

but, despite all my shortcomings which her awesomeness has highlighted in my mind, she wrote something that gives me hope. she said she's scared to do things but she does them anyway. that's a large part of how i've lived my life. i had to do things because the consequences of not doing them outweighed my fear of doing them. then finally it became too much and i started searching for external remedies to lessen my fears and gift me with the courage i just knew i lacked. now, there are no external remedies. there's just me. and i'm recognizing how strong i was to even survive to be the me i am today, irregardless of the external courage. some days just getting up was a marathon, but i ran it. it was vietnam, but i fought it. so now, it starts again. but this time, i have an armory of resources and a league of experience at my disposal.

testing cell phone 2: picture of maku

this is Maku surveying his territory from the top of my headboard.

this pic came out just fine. hopefully the first one was an anomaly.  so going forward, i can send pics from my phone. i'm so excited.

testing cell phone: picture of maku

this is Maku, my cat, my friend, my baby, my heart. he's such a gorgeous, personable cat. and his fur is so freaking soft. it's literally like rubbing cashmere or mink.

that being said, the picture came through from my cell phone but it's really messed up. not sure why. i'll send another one and see if the same thing happens.

ps i'm infatuated

with a guy...or his blog...or both. but it's cute and makes me smile so i'm sharing. =D

i'm an internet page hoarder

ok, so i had over 40 tabs open of everyones blog that I wanted to read. over 40. i have a macbook pro which i adore but it's really temperamental, especially regarding safari. generally it'll only put up with my ocd and my internet page hoarding just so much before it shuts safari down and tells me to get a life. since that would freak me out to no end, because i HAVE to read EVERYTHING or the world as i know it will cease to exist, i have taken the necessary steps to reduce the number of open tabs to 10, 11 including mine. first, for everyone that's on blogger, i subscribed to their blog. then for everyone that's not on blogger but has an rss feed, i subscribed to their feed. then for everyone else, well, their tab is still open; however, i just created a blog folder where their bookmark will be safely stored for later reading, research, and comments.

while this really is a little thing, it is a great example of me and my need to know. some might say control but whatever. i'm just extremely curious about EVERYTHING and i hate not delving into the specifics. i'm one of those people who know a little about a lot because everything interests me - thoughts, ideas, actions, perceptions, reasoning, logic, results, consequences, just everything.  and when something slips through my fingers, it's aggravating or frustrating or something. it's like i was about to open a box and someone took the box away before i could see what was inside.  i'm also like that about the mail, just so you know. i love opening the mailbox to see what i have, what "santa" brought me. i'd rather get a bill than face an empty box. i find that interesting.

oh, i'm also a book hoarder. i have tons and tons and tons of unread books that i'm going to get to...eventually. hopefully before march of next year which is when i'm disposing of everything that's not going in the van, other than my mattress set. luckily once the kindle fire comes out, i'll grab that and worries about having too many books will be a thing of the past...for the most part.

ok, it's late and i'm exhausted. i've been practicing my tatting - both shuttle and needle - and i'm done. i love the artistry of tatting, but the videos leave a lot to be desired. i've seem slugs sleep with more enthusiasm and personality. (there i go complaining again, sorry. i'm working on the "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" principle to the best of my ability. it's just that me keeps getting in the way of I and then it's just a free for all).

anyway, have a great night, morning, sunday, or whatever. just be blessed.