3:16 AM

this blog post was from two or three mornings ago but it went into drafts instead of posting. i'm just including it now.

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it's 3:16am and i just finished reading the entire blog of the most awesome woman. i think we have a lot in common as far  as circumstances. not so much as far as reactions. she seems so self-sufficient, strong, and grounded with this unwavering sense of who and what she is and her place in the universe. me? i'm the opposite of that, most of the time. the vast majority of time.

but, despite all my shortcomings which her awesomeness has highlighted in my mind, she wrote something that gives me hope. she said she's scared to do things but she does them anyway. that's a large part of how i've lived my life. i had to do things because the consequences of not doing them outweighed my fear of doing them. then finally it became too much and i started searching for external remedies to lessen my fears and gift me with the courage i just knew i lacked. now, there are no external remedies. there's just me. and i'm recognizing how strong i was to even survive to be the me i am today, irregardless of the external courage. some days just getting up was a marathon, but i ran it. it was vietnam, but i fought it. so now, it starts again. but this time, i have an armory of resources and a league of experience at my disposal.